Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and shes gone.......

Day 36 and 37

Weight- 900 grams- a drop but still 2lbs so we won't complain

Feeds- Finally adding back extra calories!  Pack on the pounds girl!

Oxygen- low settings on C-Pap- there is talk of a nasal cannula on the horizon

Disposition- determined

Prudence has been astounding us all with how well she is doing.  We are ever so slowly getting the little things down and laying the foundation for bigger things.  While some of it makes us nervous (mostly the nasal cannula- we have been teased by those words before) most of it is starting to make us cautiously excited.  We have our 1 month follow up cranial ultrasound tomorrow just to evaluate the small bleed they found earlier and making sure it is resolving.  Other than that, feed and grow Prudence is the name of the game.

She is so incredibly sweet.  Both of my girls are.  If you haven't met them in person, then you should really want to .  Prudence has this curious and spunky nature.  Nothing or nobody will stop her.  When we get to hold her, I always rejoice in this tiny strong body wiggling around until she finds her comfy spot on my chest.  When she is awake, her eyes roll towards any sound as if she is trying to figure it all out.  And Lucy.  Don't get me started about Lucy.  This girl has the ability to do something completely evil and then make me laugh about it.  They are both my heart, my loves, my joy.  And they teach me more every day about love and faith and joy.  

I had the joy of spending a good amount of time at a Halloween festival with my Lucy.  The fest was to support Capturing Hopes which is an amazing group of photographers who capture the NICU moments free of cost to parents.  These photographers have been trained to make pictures beautiful despite medical equipment, cpap masks, and what not.  It is such a blessing.

Lucy dressed up as Minnie Mouse.  And no I did not go buy a store bought costume.  I bought a little of this here and a little of that there and put together a one of a kind Minnie Mouse costume.  And I have to say, I think she was the cutest kid there.  I might be biased.  But I am probably right......

Lucy loves halloween and all that goes with it.  We got to do all sorts of art activities, sit at the halloween photo booth, and play a few halloween games.  She got to "trick or treat" to the different tables.  And I won a raffle for a basket for baby girl items.  All in all a fun day supporting a really great cause.

Of course here is my plug in for the charities that have affected us directly.  Services like Capturing Hopes or the Ronald McDonald House have been the biggest blessing to us.  People donating time, services, and what not to directly assist NICU families.  If any one is every going to donate money on the behalf of a preemie, call your local hospital, ask to speak to who is in charge of the NICU, and find out what charity programs support them before donating.  The big foundations like March of Dimes are fine, but the smaller more personal ones are what really aides the families of NICU babies and changes it all from a scary, lonely experience into something a bit more inviting and happy.  

It has been a wonderful weekend.  I finally feel like the new normal has set in.  Exhausting, emotional, and absolutely amazing.  Juan and I have learned so much about being a family, being parents, and being married.  

We're Sgt. Peppers one and only lonely hearts club band

Day 33, 34, and 35
Weight- 930 grams ( and seriously, we have been at 2lbs 1oz for three days... the 1000grams is teasing me)
Feeds- Increasing steadily
Oxygen- Weaning settings, now on regular C-Pap instead of the NIPPV (Woohoo)
Disposition- Stinker

There are a lot of things we say we will never do in our life.

Example-"I will never wear booty shorts"

And I promise I am 99% sure that I will never do that (more for your benefit than mine). But on a serious note, I never thought I'd say what I am getting ready to say.....

I want to be a stay at home mom.

There.  Proud headstrong do-it-all-and-bake-cookies-too Brenna said it.  I always said I would never ever want to quit nursing.  That I loved my job too much and worked much too hard to get here to give it up.  Then, I found something I loved more.  My children.  I always told Juan that my one condition for ever wanting to quit nursing was if we had a special needs child ( Juan has 2 special needs siblings so the topic came up).  I never thought it would happen....

And while Prudence is doing well, she definitely has some specialized needs and will for a while.  It like God heard me and said...well ok Brenna here you go...a reason to quit.  Except I can't totally quit either.  So rock and a hard place.

The hard part of it all is being a nurse really.  For those of you who aren't nurses I have to tell you the truth.  When I put on my scrubs and walk into work, I feel like I am no longer viewed as a person.  People  don't care if I pee, eat, drink, sit down, or even you know, have a conversation not involving their loved one.  I am the caretaker who is lending myself entirely to you and your family.  Nurses are known for not taking care of themselves.  And most of us shrug our shoulders.  Part of the territory.

BUT......

I am a person right now.  I can't stop being a person because I am in scrubs.  Not right now.  And I do know what the patients family members are experiencing.  I can't tell them that.  I won't tell them that because I am afraid it would make them think I am distracted and not capable.  But I am capable.  I just wish that more people realized that we aren't nurses 24/7.  At some point, our lives over lap with our work.  Being a NICU parent, I try so hard to be as sweet as pie to Prudence's NICU mommies.  And I think the world of those ladies and gents that are taking care of my sweetie.  I just wish others would lend me the same courtesy while I am at work.

 Snuggled up before mommy had to return to work

That being said, our family has some wonderful things to be looking forward to.
Prudence is doing remarkably well!  Yeah I know we have said such things before but maybe now you can see what I mean about that whole being drug around by a roller coaster.... We never know what to expect when we talk to our NICU mommies.... but thats just par for the course.

They are working on weaning her cpap slowly with intentions to get her to a nasal cannula by early next week.  Apnea is still there but she is able to self recover 9 times out of 10.  Still no signs of infection and overall we are doing really well.

This next week is Lucy's first trick or treating halloween.  I am super excited for her and can't wait to dress her up and take her out.  She is going to be either a lady bug fairy or Minnie Mouse.  I have kind of an interchangeable costume so it will just depend on what she will wear on the given day.  

And of course two weeks from now is big girls 2nd birthday!  WHICH MEANS....

I WILL HAVE MY FAMILY IN THE SAME ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!  

Lucy hasn't met Prudence yet.  She knows the name, that there is a ton of milk for the mythical Prudence, that this being has a bedroom in our house, and that grandma is crocheting a blanket for said "Poodence".  But I cannot wait for her to see her baby sister.  It makes my mothers heart so happy knowing that we all will be together finally.  

Goodnight and sweet dreams from the Mythical Prudence.....