Confinement at its finest

Bedrest isn't easy

I have heard more than once, it must be nice to have a break.  Use this time to rest.  Enjoy others doing all the work for now and rest.  After a week and a half of bedrest, I am all rested out.  my ankles are rarely swollen, my back always hurts, and I have officially binge watched way to much Gilmore Girls...WHICH I DON'T EVEN LIKE!

Don't get me wrong.  When I get up and start doing things that I am allowed to do, I usually at some point realize my body hits a limit.  The pain, contractions, and fear drive me down pretty quickly to hopefully alleviate my symptoms and keep baby boy baking.  But as someone who usually pushes well past the limits, its been a hard time listening to my body and not my stubborn stubborn brain. 

Family is the best

Since they are the only ones I see...ALL THE TIME!  I love them.  Very much.   Between my husband and my parents, I have a ton of support with the girls and the house.  My sisters have checked in frequently and my aunt and uncle stopped by for a small visit the other day which was lovely.  My poor girls are adjusting to mommy being laid up since "baby brother Jude" is "sick."  We didn't know how else to explain it to Lucy.  Any good recommendations....

But....

I miss my friends.  Not that I have many, but its been hard.  My closest friends both now live out of state.  Other friends have plans, but due to sickness, family situations and what not, well....lets just say its been an isolated couple of weeks.  The lovely ladies of our church have started bringing meals in and I find myself making myself look as nice as I can in my jammies so that I can socialize for a few minutes.  I also really enjoy my weekly outings to my doctor so the nurses can play darts with my backside.  Because other than that, its kind of lonely.  Social media, texting and what not has kept me somewhat sane and connected, but its still kind of lonely.  I miss work, shopping, and fresh air......

At the end of the day though

I get it.  Every day in is a blessing.  Bed rest isn't guaranteed to keep him in for the long haul, but it can't hurt and I will do what I am supposed to.  Its hard to have things to look forward to sometimes though.  Most of my choices in being a pregnant woman are gone.  I will have a c-section no matter what.  Labor means a sterile surgical procedure and over that I have no control.  I will have a spinal unless its a true emergent situation in which I will be intubated and knocked out.  Shopping for the nursery is limited to what I can do online.  My shower will be held somewhere I can sit with my feet propped up and within a 30 minute drive of the hospital.  Maternity photos will be taken in my house and done in small sessions with Juan's phone.  Everything seems so controlled, sterile and clean.  Pregnancy of the modern woman I suppose.  I miss the messy pregnancy I had with Lucy.  The water breaking at Panera.  The thrill of getting to tell people that really soon Lucy would be here.  It was so unpredictable and fun and terrifying.  Kind of like a roller coaster.

Of course the other side was the Prudence roller coaster which I guess was enough excitement for a lifetime.  And early labor with Jude definitely livened things up a bit. 

I just wish I had a choice in it.  

Sometimes though, I guess you have to be still, be silent, and let God fight for you.