So....its been a while but some things never change....
The neverending saga of my children trying to kill me continues.....
Sunday night while at work I started to feel...funny. Some pain. Tightness. Tried to sit down, rest, and drink water. Nope didn't help. Now my 25 week pregnant belly was definitely tightening down and causing me discomfort. So being the middle of the night, my only option is to go to the hospital.
Once there I was hooked to a monitor. Things looked pretty mild for a bit but then all of the sudden started picking up. I got admitted and they were able to stop the contractions with one of the worlds most awful medication drips and in the mean time give me steroid shots to mature Jude's lungs just in case he decided that he wanted to be a January baby instead of the planned April baby.
They call it threatened preterm labor. I don't care for that term much because it makes me feel like a diagnosis they give to someone who over reacts. Given my history though, I am ok with overreacting. Actually I am seriously glad that whatever happened I got the steroids in and if anything crazy happens from here on out, Jude has a better fighting chance with those.
It is a crazy thing being pregnant again after my first premature birth. I feel like I am sleeping on a bed made of eggshells and that one wrong move could make the whole thing break. It has been a mix of emotions between sad, happy, upset, and fear. Most days I am happy, especially when I feel his sweet kicks and painful head butts. Its a sweet reminder to enjoy this while I have it because I missed out on so much having Prudence early. These past few days have been filled with soul searching because part of me honestly did not know if I could handle being a mom to a second 25 weeker....and only barely a year out of the NICU at that. Micropreemies are no joke and it takes the whole family into some dark places to make it out of that again.
So now I am at home which is good. I got to take a shower and put on my lovely smelling lotion and get into my much more comfortable posturepedic bed. This struggle is going to be a different kind. I feel utterly useless as a person/mother/wife right now and kind of feel like a glorified incubator, just waiting for the time when he acts up again and decides to come or they decide that its his time and take him. I look around and see chores that need to be done and can't. Its really frustrating. And I am only on day one of my confinement.
On the plus side, my family has been wonderful about everything. Juan, my parents, the outpouring of support, has been so sweet and appreciated. Every week will be a celebration of growth and development until Jude gets here and I will just have to learn to accept my limitations (something I have never been good at).
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