Days 38 and 39
Weight- 900 grams (they had to take away my extra calories because of belly issues)
Oxygen- Starting trials of the nasal cannula with periods of rest on C-Pap in between
Disposition- Sweet!
So Prudence is doing well. We started working on transitioning (slowly!) to a nasal cannula. Yesterday she loved it. But today, eh she is being more like her old Prudence self and having quite a few episodes while on the cannula. So back on C-Pap for now. We are also trying to sort out some of the residual belly problems she has from the air the cpap is forcing into her belly. Hopefully that will get worked out.
We had some great reports today. She had her 1 month follow up on her cranial ultrasound today. And it showed that the small bleed she had has completely resolved. An eye doctor also came by today and evaluated Prudence. A big complication with being premature is retinopathy of prematurity or ROP. This happens when the babies are left on high levels of oxygen for a long time. Prudence has been all over the place on the oxygen front, so we were a bit worried about this, but it was something kind of on the back burner. However, the eye doc said that she has healthy mature looking eyes and we will reevaluate in 2 weeks. Great news.
Juan and I have been talking a lot about how people approach us and things that irk us. And we kind of came up with a list of things that bother us or we feel that if people knew about us, they would look at the situation differently.
1) AND MOST IMPORTANT- I love my child. Period. There is no second clause to that saying " I love my child even though...." or "I love my child despite...." . There is nothing but the love. A NICU momma who is clearly not a real preemie parent said to me one day "You can't love them the same because you can't bond and they don't feel like yours." Now, honestly, most days right now, Prudence doesn't feel like mine. She is being taken care of by some wonderful NICU momma's. But she is my daughter and assuming I don't love her like I love Lucy is one way to make this mom very very angry.
2) You don't ever get used to the roller coaster. Just when you think you can handle disappointing news pretty well, your Preemie will pop up with a new surprise, just to keep you on your toes. A lot of days, you feel like you are being pushed to the brink of what a human being can handle, and somehow you end up surviving, but you never get used to or are prepared for those days.
3) We don't go home and sleep comfortably in our beds resting up for when baby does come home. First of all, Preemie moms for the most part, are encouraged to pump breast milk for their child. Around the clock. Every 3 hours. Ouch. And its not like waking up with a newborn child to cuddle. No no no. You don't want to cuddle your pump. And Preemie dads, wow guys you have a mess to deal with. Juan is pretty much the glue holding it together. He is my sounding board, Lucy's wrangler, and the sanity that keeps us going. Thats a big job. Then there is still all that house work you were going to do before baby came that now you have to do before baby comes home on top of everything else. So there is no rest and relaxing before baby comes home.
4) Preemie parents don't appreciate pity. I remember a girl I worked with once that had a baby at 35 weeks. Her baby was a healthy full term weight, but still spent a harrowing 4 hours in the NICU. And I remember her fishing for sympathy about her premature 7lb something baby. Not a true preemie parent. I don't want you to tell me that you are so sorry this happened to me. I will never be sorry that Prudence came into the world. Don't give me pity eyes. The pity and the sympathy does me no good.
5) Truly, everyday despite the roller coaster is a gift from God. We have so many ups and downs, but every day that our Prudence grows stronger and more lovely is a blessing from God. Even the bad set back kind of days that make us cringe. We are learning more and more to truly cherish every moment with our girls.
Sweet dreams from micropreemie world....
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