Here comes the sun....

Day 28 and 29

Weight- Still 880 grams but we didn't lose so thats good
Disposition- Strong!

Our baby girl is off the ventilator!  Praise the LORD!

Yesterday they extubated and we were sure that she was going to have the tube put right back in.  Instead she came off and went to C-Pap and then from there they were able to wean down her settings a bit.  Her oxygenation is actually better than it has been and she is fairly stable.  The doctor said her chest x-ray looks better than it did on the ventilator.

So many many prayers answered.

It turns out that the episodes where Prudence was letting the ventilator do all the work were caused by reflux.  Not an uncommon thing to happen but in preemies their lungs cannot compete with the pressure in the esophagus sometimes causing apnea.  Last night they had to stop her feeds and will reassess in the morning.  Thats another hard part about the c-pap.  It forces air into her lungs but a portion of that also goes into her tiny tiny belly.  So it causes her to reflux even worse.  But the good news is still

WE ARE NOT ON A VENTILATOR!!!!

In other news, I head back to work tomorrow evening.  Apparently my demeanor has shown as much this week.  I really don't know how to feel because on one side I love my job.  I love nursing.  Since I moved to the trauma ICU, I have found a renewed joy in what I do.  But more and more I am afraid that my love for my job is something I will have to sacrifice because I love my children infinitely more and its becoming apparent that my children need me more.

Also, I have this great ability (usually) to remain emotionally uninvolved.  When I say this it doesn't mean I don't have compassion.  But I can shut off my home life when I am at work.  And I can shut off my work life when I am home.  Basically I compartmentalize my life.  It works out well because emotions don't get in the way of work.  However I am certain this is a different situation.  People will ask about Prudence.  People know.  And while its great for them to ask, if she is having a bad day and they ask, I know I will lose it.  So we will see how it goes.  I really want just to be super busy at work so no one has time to ask me anything.  So I don't have time to feel anything.

If anybody has any suggestions about surviving the return to work with a micropreemie still in the NICU, please let me know.  It will all be worth it when I get those 8 weeks off with her when she comes home, but until then....

Goodnight and much love from micropreemie world....